Love Sickness

Do ya feel love sick, baybay?
When I lick your bowl, baybay?
You gonna toss my stick, baybay?
When I dig your hole, baybay?
Gonna feel a prick, baybay!
When I stick it in, baybay!
Cos my love syringe, baybay,
Give you love infection, baybay!
　

But I’ve never seen a bush that’s hairier!
More fur than Great Uncle Bulgaria!
But you know I’ll still give you my spongle!
Not your fault you got a muff like a womble!


Do ya feel love-iffy, baybay?
When you use my hob, baybay?
Just ignore that stiffy, baybay!
And twiddle my knob, baybay!
Get the panhandle hot, baybay!
Squirt oil over, baybay!
Keep tossing it quick, baybay!
I’m gonna boil over, baybay!
　

But I’ve never seen norks so saggy!
That Lycra bra’s still baggy!
You got smaller boobs than Todd Carty’s!
Not your fault that you’re smuggling Smarties!
　

Arriva Doncaster

Rehearsals II

Ferrari can’t get her idiot gob around If I Was A Bird. If I can do it why can’t she?

　
At least we managed a few run-throughs today in between her boyfriend issues. I think I might have to advertise for a new Ferrari if she doesn’t shape up soon.

　

Jesus Christ. I was word perfect through Half An Hour Later, Alice In Poundland, Ever Been Ad, you name it! How come some she can’t crack it?

Rehearsals

Announcing that rehearsals will be starting next Monday.


Ferrari will be joining me.



I will try to ask some idiot to take a photograph of us in action.

Forthcoming Material

Greetings Teeth fans!


You may have been wondering what I have been doing since my successful British tour in July. Well I haven't been sitting around doing Lucky Fifteens all day you know!



You'll be delighted to hear that several new works are almost complete, so look out for these beauties being published:


Richard By Name, Dick By Nature

I Kissed A Bird And She Liked It

Howzat!

Tent Flaps (working title)



I've also been re-touching Boning The Tuna, with Wisbech Gail completely written out of it.

Frankly Mister Gormley

This is the poem I wrote during my epic 5 a.m. stint as part of One And Other. In London.



Frankly Mister Gormley
By Barry Teeth
　
Frankly Mister Gormley this plinth that I’m sat on
Has hardly enough room to swing a bloody cat on,
And there’s a thousand flying rats but up to now I’ve not been shat on,
And who knew that I wrote such bloody brilliant poetry?
　
Frankly Mister Gormley this plinth’s a pain in the ass,
And all the ponces who go up there are clearly middle class!
At least with Barry Teeth around there’s a real artist kicking ass!
And who knew that I wrote such bloody brilliant poetry?
　
Frankly Mister Gormley I was the must see opportunity.
And that Michelle doing your interviews? Clearly care in the community.
And…..AND I just told a cop to bugger off, with complete impunity!
And who knew that I wrote such bloody brilliant poetry?
Mister Gormley?

Woolpack Gig Postponed

Hi fans,


Sorry to say that Sunday's gig at The Woolpack has had to be postponed.